MUFFIN MAN

If anyone has any idea what the story behind these tattoos is, I would LOVE to know!

Cats with no ears

I just took in two of the cutest cats ever, and so I have had cats on the brain lately. Because of this, I thought I'd do some searching for bad cat tattoos. I am SURE there are worse ones out here, but this is what I found- three cat tattoos without any ears. Why would you ever draw a cat without ears? It just makes them look like weird aliens!


This looks like a Lisa Frank drawing without the pizazz.


This is the most half-assed tattoo I have possibly ever seen. Why are the eyes sideways? Why are the whiskers blue? Where are the ears? So many unanswered questions!


This is a mix of the lady's five cats and some human (the right eye). Why the human has a lazy eye, I don't know. I also think the cat is actually the bark of a tree.


And finally, while not technically terrible, this butterfly-cat holding a flower and inexplicably wearing pants makes me laugh.

The Crow

I haven't gotten a tattoo in a year, and have been feeling the itch. I have an appointment for this upcoming Wednesday. I decided to get two big crows with lightning bolts, they'll probably on my ribs, unless I wuss out. It's kind of a memorial tattoo for my dad, but not totally. Anyway, I'll post pictures and you guys can feel free to make fun of them as much as you want. In anticipation of my appointment, I decided to do some looking around for terrible crow tattoos. I found a lot.

Full disclosure: I was really into The Crow when I was a teenager. Here's a photo of me being totally awesome when I was 13 or 14.

I don't have any ridiculous makeup on in that photo, but I definitely went to school made-up like the crow. The movie was filmed in my hometown (Wilmington, NC) and I went on a pilgrimage to see where Brandon Lee died. I listened to the soundtrack to the movie every day. I still really enjoy the movie. Regardless of my history with the movie, my crow tattoo idea has nothing to do with the movie The Crow. These people's tattoos do. There are so many sweet crow images out there, I don't know why they picked these out....

So here you go. Awful crow tattoos!


I think this crow is supposed to be on fire? It just looks blobby to me.


This is supposed to be the Crow logo, but it's not executed well...


This one too. Plus! Bonus barbed wire armband! I love seeing terrible versions of the same thing. (See my zombie jesus and wizard posts for more)


Crow mask + tribal + cross = goldmine!


Scarred Kanji + flaming crow = bigger goldmine!



I don't understand the spacing and sizing on this. It looks like the tattoos just got slapped on completely randomly. Also the little spritzes of red and yellow are a real nice touch. What is the black blob on the left? Can anyone tell?


skldfskdjf Brandon Lee does not look like that!


And he really, really does not look like this!!!

I hope you enjoyed this confessional edition of awful tattoos. Check back next week to make fun of my crow tattoo!

When you really, really love a musician...

It still doesn't mean that getting their portrait tattooed on you is a good idea.

Some more bad portraits

When I first saw this tattoo, I thought the artist was going for a watercolor french impressionist painting style, but then I saw the terrible lettering under the tattoos and realized it's probably the work of a really bad artist.


This was pointed out to me by one of my readers. Thanks, Steph!


This is the worst Betty Page I have seen. The triangle boobs are a little disturbing, but no big deal. The mushface is terrible but I'd like to think that when the tattoo heals it will look better. What is inexcusable, however, is the arms and hands. Especially the right arm. She looks like a T-Rex on one side. Plus she has major camel toe in the armpit area.


And finally... this isn't so much incompetent as ridiculous. The moon baby is kinda cute, but the sun has the biggest nose in the universe and shark teeth. At least the script is done really well.

Free For All Friday

I found a bunch of amazing tattoos today but none that really fit into any good theme. I'm about to rush out of work and go to a wedding this weekend, and my brain is kind of frazzled from some intense video footage I've been working on, so I'm just going to post the pictures and let you guys decide where they fit yourselves.

Have an awesome weekend!

xo

More Zombie Jesus

I found some more Zombie Jesuses (Jesii? Jesusi?) for you guys. It really wasn't very hard. I guess part of the whole allure of Jesus is that he's a zombie, right? Filling in the eyes really would help to make him look more alive and less like he wants to eat brains, though.







these Jesuses have eyes but they're really not any better.

Amazing Back Pieces

I have a confession to make. The more I do research for this blog, the more I am falling in love with terrible biker metal tattoos. I want a million of them. Every time I see a huge back piece with demons or dragons on it I get jealous.

I like to think that this guy started with the demon tramp stamp at the bottom and then worked his way up. My favorite part is the skeletons. They're super sweet.


This lady has pretty much every tattoo cliche imaginable, all in one spot! The squishy-headed crosseyed wizard is my favorite part. You can see he's trying to figure out how he got lumped in with all the other random tattoos and isn't too happy about it.


I should start a zombiejesus category. I am pretty sure I can find a bunch more where this one came from. He really wants brains. Braaaaains.


And, for the grand finale. Words cannot express my sorrow for this dude.

Celebrity Portraits

Okay, so I have been joking for over a year now about getting two amazing portrait tattoos. One one thigh, I want David Duchovny as agent Mulder, with Gillian Anderson as agent Skully, and a bunch of UFO's and aliens and bigfoot and flukeman. On the other thigh, I want David Duchovny as the cross dressing agent on Twin Peaks, with Kyle MacLachlan as agent Cooper, with cherry pie and some logs and some coffee and maybe a dead crow or a percolator with a fish in it. The idea is hilarious to me and somehow I still find it hilarious over a year later (which is one test as to whether a tattoo is really worth getting or not). The thing is, I think David Duchovny would be a really hard guy to get a good portrait of (not to mention the fact that I probably would regret the whole thing later on down the line).

Anyway, here is some proof that celebrity portraits can be downright terrible.

Bad as in Good

After all this trash talking, I thought I'd give you guys a break and prove that tattoos can indeed be totally awesome and rad and amazing. Sometimes "bad" is slang for "good", so this category is "Bad as in Good" and is here to give your eyes a rest every once in a while.

Penguin looks like Penguin and not overly zombified. This is a hard line to walk, but they got it!


This tattoo blew my mind the first time I saw it. I want it. I am so jealous.



Alex Ross Superman. This is so amazing.


sdf,jhsdfkjhsdkfhskj this dude! It's so cool that I am speechless.

Bad Portraits

One of the most unfortunate tattoos that you can have is a badly done portrait, and sadly there are a lot of them out there.
Here is the first of what I am sure will be many installments of Bad Portraits:

The details are what makes this tattoo truly awful. The tattoo of her chest tattoo. The hands (which aren't even in the photo). The cheekbones. The teeth.


This is my favorite bad portrait. It's shark-zombie-bride. I feel so sorry for the guy who got this. Again, note the teeth.


This poor guy has a zombie child on his arm. She doesn't have shark teeth- she seems to be suffering from the opposite problem: gummy mouth.



Okay, this one isn't executed so terribly (I'm sure when it healed it looked pretty decent) but it's creepy as hell!


From the same place that brought you creepy thumbs-up dude, we have creepy-cutter-angel (complete with tattoos-of-tattoos):